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Emotional Vampires 1 October 2010

Posted by The Inimitable M in Life.
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File this under “personal/life”.

I am not a vampire person in a Twilight, Anne Rice, etc. way.  I believe, though, that there are people and circumstances that suck the life out of you if you let them.  The difference between these emotional vampires and other vampires is that emotional vampirism is no fantasy or tale of science fiction.  It is a very real condition of the human spirit.

Things have happened this year that have sucked my spirit, my emotions and my health right out of me.  As I lie here nursing a massive bout of bronchitis and wondering where the 20 pounds went that I had on Thursday morning, I realise this:

I let it happen.  Bigtime.

Somewhere between February and now, I lost my ability to think for myself, stand up for myself, see where things were headed, and recognise a reason for the excuse it became.  I don’t think either of us thought of it as an excuse at the time, but it is an excuse.

The past two weeks especially, as I have tried to keep steady, this emotional vampirism has had a crippling effect.  The first week, I couldn’t sleep, but I couldn’t do anything else, either.  I sat and stared.  I worked at a pace best described as trying to run in sludge.  I worked hours and hours and hours and just.couldn’t.make.it.right. 

Last weekend, I started getting physically ill.  The fever developed.  The infection set in.  I couldn’t be more incapacitated if I tried.  And I did, indeed, lose 20 pounds in less than 48 hours.  Shades of the Dave Debacle, for those who remember.  The jury is out as to when it will end.

But it will end.  Something has to make this crisis situation become a no-crisis situation.  I am the one who has to handle it.  No one can do this but me.

It comes with the stark realisation that one person in whom I had complete faith and trust may very well fail me – or may be dead.  I have no idea.  This affects how I work and what I do with my life going into the future.  It means a very real possiblity of losing my staunchest supporter…and going it alone.  Can I do it?  What kind of support system is out there?  All I know is that come Monday, whether or not there is a change coming from the outside, there will be a change coming from the inside.

(Big thank yous to Natalie Baird Callender for the unintended boot to the head just by mentioning emotional vampires today.)

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Comments»

1. RaShelle - 1 October 2010

Hi Maggie – I’m so sorry about your physical sickness. Emotional vampirism is VERY REAL. If there is anything I can do, please let me know. Take care!
xoxo

2. Max - 1 October 2010

Oh dear my metaphorical Maggie, vampires suck! I’m not sure exactly what’s going on but I think I’ve got the gist of it. It sounds like you know what you need to do though, which is the only redeeming feature of your predicament. Giz, your health, your business, in that order, no excuses. It breaks my black heart to hear this has gone on the way it has, you don’t need this shit mate.

Chop what needs to be chopped, look after your health, eat more or I’ll be coming over there for an intervention 😉 Love ya mate.

3. Allyson - 2 October 2010

What Max said…


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